CONNECT THREE

The first step in becoming a guru is telling people you are a guru. It is also important to get into the pool early. The pool here being the guru pool.

Kevin Meyer is the first InterEm Marketing Guru. You can tell because it says so on his InterEm page. He has over 6000 friends.

When he tells his clients they should get into the pool early, the pool here being the general pool of InterEm, it is not because they can, like he did. The pool is full. Even the lap lane is packed with people who are no longer able to enjoy the pool the way they might want to enjoy it. The reason is because to get them off their asses and start right away. Which is some of the best advice, Kevin thinks.

What is important about having that many friends is Popularity is Provenance. The more friends he gets, the more obvious it is that he is an InterEm Marketing Guru and the easier it is to get more friends. And then looping like that. How do I know it’s working? his clients ask him. Do you have a lot of friends? he says. If you do, then it’s working. Nothing succeeds like success is a personal mantra of Kevin’s. He has it taped to the screen of his laptop in a font he likes.

This is a mantra he doesn’t tell his clients. It is disheartening to tell them the best way to use InterEm for marketing is first step have a lot of friends. It would be like telling someone the best way to have a good party is to have a lot of people be there. Some of his clients are throwing terrible parties with like maybe four people there and they all work for the client anyway. And the client is trying to get everyone to dance or play some game that reveals their secret inner thoughts. And it makes those four people even more uncomfortable than they already were at this terrible party and they want to leave. Some of his clients don’t even have friend counts in the triple digits. What he wants to tell them is come back and see me when you have some friends.

Kevin dreams of a quintuple digit friend count. He imagines balloons and confetti spraying out of his screen. He will send a bouquet to his 10,000th friend.

Another good thing is to ask questions. A lot of people on InterEm want to say something but they don’t know where to start. So if you say, Hey everybody, what type of ice cream do you like or what’s something someone said to you that changed your life, lots of people will answer because they’ve been wanting to say something the whole time and don’t know where to start. Lots of times when he tells clients this, they go onto InterEm and ask stuff like Hey, do you guys like my product or service, which no one ever answers. It is important to ask open-ended questions. Create an answer space is how Kevin puts this.

Kevin dreams of meeting number 10,000. It will be a her, it always is in the dream. It will be set up as a marketing ploy, like Be number 10,000! Meet the Guru! But as soon as their eyes meet they’ll both realize it is much more than a marketing ploy going on right here. Number 10,000, he will know right away, will understand behind everything he says in webinars and blog posts is about sincerity and connection.

This is why he says communicating with and not talking at, is because of connection. The Cocktail Party Analogy is very important. So is the Loudspeaker Analogy, but negatively so.

There are days Kevin does not change out of sweatpants, but he is still at work. This is like the best thing ever, when sweatpants days also have in them billable hours.

An important thing also about the Cocktail Party Analogy is sometimes you have to throw people out if they are being assholes. Kevin uses curse words sometimes because it gets their attention, the clients, and also reminds them he is sincere. But only PG swears like ass and asshole. If someone is being an asshole at your party, he tells them, you have to throw them out. Which is why you have to watch your wall and make sure no one is being an asshole on it. If the person being an asshole is one of your friends, though, you have to pull them aside and tell them about it, so they won’t keep being an asshole on there. But also you have to take down the thing that they said on your wall, because of the Broken Windows Analogy, which is that when people see other people being assholes they are more likely to join in and be assholes too.

Out of his 6000 friends, Kevin has picked about 30 who from their pictures he would probably date them if it weren’t unprofessional, which it would be. This means he only finds attractive .5% of his friends, which is more like .1% if you figure only half of them are women anyway, and maybe more because a lot of them have profile pictures of their cats or famous people or a cartoon, and maybe he’d be attracted to them too. Still, that’s only point one percent. Which means that if Kevin meets in real life a thousand people, he’d only be attracted to one of them. And probably she’d be married or have a boyfriend or be into bad movies or something. Even though since they’d met in real life professionalism would not be an issue.

The fact Kevin is paid to teach people how to fake being sincere is proof for him how important sincerity is.

DIS continues here…

“Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting, and modern.” -Frank O'Hara

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